Bastard Coated Bastards: Cups & Other C-Words

It has been a while. Many red, yellow and Christmas cards have been received since the last update. But despite work, life and what felt like 4 weeks of the plague, a couple of seasons with plucky rule-bending La Serena have been played. I’m going to cover two seasons here, and then I think move to slightly irregular updates as I’m going to be playing my Tahiti save as well. I’m still very much enjoying being a bastard in South America, but I’m also enjoying being a bastard in French Polynesia. I might start crossing over and use some of the Tahiti save for Bastard examples. But for today, we have lots of Cup news to cover.

[[NOTE: I wrote the above, and much of this post in 2023. It’s not 2023 anymore. Many months have passed and that’s because I hit a bit of a hiccup with the save, and got very busy in real life. When I came back to things there was a bug that sapped a bit of the enjoyment out of the save and left me a bit disconnected. Bastard Coated Bastards will continue though but we will be moving to a different climate, and reality. So if you’re only here because of Chile then this is the end of the road for you. Adios.]]

Season 2025

Last season we went up, making us small fish in the now slightly larger Chilean pond. I felt like being underdogs would work for us again, but with little bit of rebuilding. We were expected to finish 2nd from bottom and I felt we could do much better than that. I was confident that this bunch of bastards would be staying in the top flight for some time.

Culture? Perfect. The only thing they could add there to make it better would be bone crunching tackles. We were already living and breathing set piece heavy counter attacking football.


We made moves in the transfer market. Uninspired, overpriced moves. That’s right, even the free transfers were pretty bad. Espinoza had been with us in the first season on loan so we knew he would be okay but he wasn’t a vast improvement, just depth.

Maybe the youth intake would save us? Nope. The three players below were the only rays of light, and whilst promising, they weren’t going to be setting the pitch on fire with their silky skills just yet. Overall, we were basically left with the same core team as before, with a few extra players for depth. Not a great recipe for success all told.

Stay the Course

But despite what could be described as an under powered, under paid and overly aggressive team, the wins started to stack up. There was the occasional bad patch, but as the season progressed we were looking like we could get into the top 4 or so. The title was never going to be in reach, but we were punching well above our weight, and frequently. Our unfocused aggression knew no bounds.

The Cup

Unexpected silverware arrived, and with that so did the opportunity to play in continental competition next year. We took some scalps, got a bit lucky, and came out with the Chile Cup. Cups really play to our strengths. In a one off match we are able to go all out and batter teams, physically, and cheat the win. Being an underdog works really well. It might cost us in the following league games but it’s much easier to win silverware when you only need to be good for the occasionally 90 minutes, rather than over months and months of games.

And that is what happened here…

Post Cup Flop

As mentioned above there was a cost. We slumped a little further after the cup win and never really got back into the groove again. We didn’t look like getting relegate either though so I’m happy enough with that for a first showing in the top flight.

8th, the exact midpoint and only a couple of wins away from the more rewarded positions. Combined with a domestic cup (and the continental qualification it granted) I’d say that was successful. Especially considering how poor our recruitment was.

End of 2025

FM giveth, and FM taketh away. We sneaked onto the favoured personnel list, but Nicolas Milian refused to reconsider his retirement and would be hanging up his boots with sharpened studs. He was getting on, but he was a firm favourite. I was genuinely sad.


So much to consider. From an analytical point of view what evidence did we have of our effective bastardry? Well top for fouls and yellow cards seems to be a good indicator. Our reliance on crosses and the 9 goals from corners also seems to confirm we loved to get in the mixer.

We also had almost the lowest average possession but the highest amount of possession won. Which sounds odd but basically we get the ball, we kick the ball far, someone else gets the ball, we break their legs, we get the ball. Repeat.

Season 2024

Milian is gone. Expectations are higher. Time to panic a bit. Specifically time to panic buy as we don’t have a huge pool to draw from but will need more depth to take into account the additional games from continental competition.


The departure of Milian was offset by three arrivals. Petit, Perez and Big Ronnie. Petit and Perez were our long term buys, our youthful and as yet uncorrupted prospects (though take a look at some of the aggression!). Big Ronnie was our 34 year old battering ram.

We then bolstered the rest of the pitch, bringing in a couple of central midfielders, and defenders. All were probably as good, if not better than what we already had.

Copa Libertadoes

To hell with the league. What about the cup? We started off in the Copa Libertadoes (which I really struggle to say). We gave a good account of ourselves against Penarol.


But we struggled in the next round against Brazilian opposition.

Cup Copa Lib

We were out but not down and instead dropped into the Copa Sudamerica. A nice league set up but were were definitely minnows.

Cup Sudamerica

We got some licks in but ultimately it wasn’t to be. The bigger boys from Brazil and Argentina beat us to it.

The League

Okay so maybe we do care about the league. Despite the flirtation with continental competition we still managed to do well domestically. We continued to break and bruise players, and ultimately disrupt the bigger boys.

It was a bit patchy in places but as the players settled we made good progress. Managing to finish a very healthy 3rd.

Ultimately we didn’t need to win a Cup this season for qualification.

Bye Bastards

It had been a really successful season or two. We’d improved the squad massively, got promoted to the top flight, brought in silverware, made our presence (sort of) known on the continental stage and brought in some promising little bastards.

But I wasn’t loving it. I loved the players, and I loved the style of play. But it was bringing me little joy. I didn’t feel connected to the club and honestly had taken Milian leaving far too hard. He was just pixels but he left a hole in the save. Everywhere I looked I thought he’d be there but he wasnt… [Cue wistful stare into the distance].

So I decided to leave. I had some badges, I had silverware, I had some interest from clubs in the past.

The club were distraught, but it was for the best. I left. I was hoping to maybe get a job in the top flight of Brazil, Argentina, Colombia or in the MLS.

And…I got nowt. For 6 seasons. I holidayed and got interview offers from lower tier sides. Anything bigger I either got rejected for outright or lost out at interview. It was an absolute farce. Maybe expecting top flight in a few of the bigger leagues was asking a bit much but I wasn’t even getting offers for equivalent teams from Chile anymore. I basically became a complete unknown.

After 6 seasons, I got a job at Pacific FC in the Canadian league. Rock bottom and massively off the pace. A real rebuild.

Perfect you might think. Taking this level of bastardry to the ever so polite Canadian people? What could go wrong?

Well, the save file itself. After hours of getting ready, winning the first couple of games, it corrupted and sent me back to pre-job offer. I lost it and threw my toys out of the pram. I decided that was it for that save file. It was cursed. I would continue to be a bastard but somewhere where I’d be appreciated. If I’ve not bored you to death read all about it in the next bitter blog post.

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